


Never

by NatRogers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Romanogers - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accords Never Existed, Angst, F/M, Fluff, My version of the Civil War church scene, PWP, Smut, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 20:35:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7121680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatRogers/pseuds/NatRogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Distraught after Peggy's funeral, Steve just needs to know that Natasha will never leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never

**Author's Note:**

> Just my version of what happened at Peggy's funeral and how Steve handled it afterwards.

Natasha didn't like churches. Going to mass or saying a prayer weren't practices that were indoctrinated in her as a child, and certainly not when she was an asset of the Red Room. It wasn’t that she resented the whole idea of faith or worshipping a higher being, it was just that after witnessing firsthand the evils of the world, and even helping make it a little darker herself once upon a time, she felt her presence in such a holy place was quite disingenuous. But she reminded herself that her presence there had nothing to do with her and her discomforts. 

They were in the middle of a team meeting in the new facility upstate when she heard his phone buzz from where he sat next to her. His brows furrowed as he read the text before he quietly excused himself with a promise to come back. He never did. She went in search of him once the meeting adjourned. It took a few moments, but she eventually found him standing alone in the stairwell, his shoulders slumped in despair. She took one look at him and the anguish that encompassed his entire face and she just knew. She was gone. 

She watched from the corner of their bed as Steve silently packed a few changes of clothes into his ready bag. Her fingers drummed lightly against her denim-clad thigh as she waited for her mind to come up with the right words to say. She came up empty. So instead, she stood up and placed an assuring hand on his arm, stopping him from packing, before offering to come with him. He refused, thanked her for the offer with a kiss on the forehead, and left. 

She thought she ought to be a little offended that he had turned down her company, but she knew it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact that he was barely holding himself together. As stupid as it was, she knew that he tried his best to hide when he was aching. She hated it, especially since she had worked particularly hard on being more open with him since they had fallen into this life together, but that was who he was. He was Steve Rogers, Captain America, and Captain America never broke down. _To hell with that,_ she thought. After placing a call to Stark, within minutes, she was on a Stark jet en route to London. 

And that’s how she found herself sitting in the back of the church at the funeral of Peggy Carter. She sat a little straighter once the orchestra started playing a solemn harmony. The heavy black doors of the church opened, and in stepped two lines of men in black suits carrying the casket on their shoulders. In the front of the line was Steve, his creamy skin contrasting against the dark material of his suit. His ocean eyes were bloodshot, but he was still incredibly handsome despite the tears running down his face. Natasha’s heart, cold as many people might think, tightened at the sight of him. 

The service was short and sweet. From the vignettes shared by a select few, it was obvious that not only did Peggy have a decorated career, but she also was as noble and kind as she seemed. Natasha recognized one of the speakers, Sharon Carter, ex-SHIELD agent and Peggy’s niece, who highlighted just how much her aunt was a force to be reckoned with. After hearing about the greatness that was Steve’s supposed-to-be love, it was hard not to compare herself to her. Was this the standard that whoever Steve was with would be held to? Did Steve want their relationship to be a placeholder for what he and Peggy could have had? 

Natasha shook her head and silently chastised herself for even having such thoughts. After everything she and Steve had gone through, everything they’ve shared, she had no right to entertain such questions. She had no doubt in her mind that Steve loved her. He affirmed it every time they fought in battle together by watching her back, in every word he muttered to her, in every kiss they shared. 

The pews started to empty as people made their way out of the church. With all the people gone, her line of sight focused on Steve sitting at the very front. His shoulders were hunched as he rested his elbows on his knees and placed his head in his hands. Natasha almost felt like she was intruding on a private moment, but she quickly reminded herself of what she came to do. She rose from her seat and made her way to him, placing a hand on his shoulder once he was within reach.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, surprised to see her. He stood to his full height, but kept his eyes fixed on the marble ground. 

“I didn’t want you to be alone,” she explained. She bowed her head slightly, trying to get his blue eyes to meet hers, but he closed his instead. 

“I just didn’t want you to-“ he tried to say, but she already had the side of her finger pressed to his lips before he could finish. 

“Shhh,” she cooed. She knew what he was about to say even before he said it, so instead of letting him utter the words, she wrapped her arms around him and used her right hand to guide his head so he could nestle his face against the inside of her neck. “Come here.”

\-------

Natasha hung her coat on the back of the red upholstered armchair when they arrived back in his hotel room. Steve hadn't spoken since they left the church, but she wasn't about to push him after the day he had. He took a seat on the bench by the foot of the California king and kept his eyes trained on the floor once again. Natasha walked over to the vanity adjacent the bed to unclasp her pearl necklace before she set the chain down on the glass tabletop and rid her feet of her heels one at a time. Her hand moved to her back to pull the zipper on her black sheath dress down before she stepped out of it. With her dress in hand, she moved to open the closet and hung her dress before taking one of Steve’s button ups. She slid her arms through the sleeves and buttoned the middle three.

Once she was comfortable, Natasha placed one knee on the bed before she moved to kneel behind Steve. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and felt him relax into her touch. He let out a deep sigh as her hands went about undoing his tie. He moved his face to the left, touched his lips to her right cheek and inhaled the scent of her shampoo. The corners of her lips turned up in a small, toothless smile. She knew what he was about to say. 

“Thank you for being here,” he said. 

“No place I’d rather be.” Her tone was gentle, but he knew she meant every word. Natasha pulled the tie she’d loosened off his neck before she started unbuttoning his white dress shirt. Once it was undone, she helped him take it off and let it fall to a heap on the floor. He was still facing away from her and she was still kneeling behind him with her hands on her thighs. Suddenly, the distance between them became bit much, and she called out to him. “Steve?” 

He didn't speak. Instead, he positioned his body so his left side was facing her. She could only see his profile, but the pain in his expression was enough for her to close the remaining distance between them. She couldn't stand seeing him that way. Hastily, she pushed him until his back hit the arm of the bench and his legs stretched out the rest of the way. She moved to sit on his lap, a knee on either side of his hips, before she took his face in both her hands and forced his piercing blue irises to meet her intense green ones. 

“You don’t always have to be so strong,” she told him. “Not in front of me.” 

“She’s gone, Nat,” he choked out after a few seconds. His resolve broke at her words and fresh tears made its way down his perfect face. 

It was just three words, but she knew they were loaded with the pain of losing such an integral part of his past. He had gotten so good at hiding his pain, pushing all his problems aside so he could fulfill his duties as Captain America, that it was so easy to forget that he was immediately thrust into a completely different world without being given the time to mourn the life he had missed out on. He was a fish out of water in the twenty-first century, but finding out Peggy was still alive tethered him to the ground, bridging his past and his present. She was comforting, a familiar face in a world that was completely alien to him, and now she was gone. 

“What can I do?” she asked, thumbs wiping away his tears as she felt her own heart break at the sight of him so broken. “Tell me what I can do.” 

“Don’t leave me,” he all but begged. She was about to tell him how absurd he was being, how she would never, ever leave his side, but his lips were already on hers. 

His lips were hard on hers as he channeled all the words he couldn't seem to say into their kiss. Her lungs burned for air, but as soon as she tried to pull away, his lips chased hers like he was afraid she’d disappear. She has never seen him quite like this – he, her Steve, was always so restrained. He usually let her set the pace, but she was glad he was finally letting his needs take over for once. 

Steve wrapped his arms around her and flipped them over so they were lying vertically on the bed with her beneath him. She broke away for a moment so she could pull his white undershirt over his head and feel the muscles in his chest rise and fell with his heavy breathing. His mouth created a wet trail from her mouth, to her jaw, down her throat, before he sucked on the sensitive skin of her neck. A small whimper escaped from her lips when his mouth moved further south, paying special attention to the tops of her breasts exposed by his button up that was ten sizes too big on her as she continued to work on the buckle of his belt. Once she got it off, she masterfully undid the button on his pants before using her feet to push his pants past his hips and down his legs. 

“Don’t-“ he stuttered out once he felt her hand snake past the waistband of his boxers. She already felt his hardness poking the inside of her thigh, and she knew it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she chanted repeatedly. “Take what you need.” 

With that, his lips found hers again while his right hand moved to pull her panties off her legs. His left hand pushed the hem of his shirt past her navel. Once she was bare, he took both her hands and lifted it over her head so it almost touched the pillows and linked his fingers with hers. She was completely trapped below him and all she could feel was his large frame, warm and muscular and taut with his need to be as close to her as he could get. There was no doubt that she wanted him just as much. He pulled away and looked down at her, his eyes were dazed and his pupils were dark with desire as he asked her a silent question. She saw it in his eyes – the reverence, the admiration, the need, and all she did was reconnect their lips in response.

Natasha grunted in both pain and pleasure when he pushed all the way into her and slightly winced at the pace of his intrusion, enjoying how full he made her feel. Steve stilled and looked down at her, but before he could let the guilt flash in his eyes, she kissed him and moved her pelvis up and encouraged him to move. He obliged, pulling his length almost all the way back out before he sank into her again.

Steve set a rhythm that had both their heads spinning within the first few thrusts. It was faster, deeper, a little rougher than usual, but Natasha didn't mind. She loved when they went slow and spent their time indulging in one another, making sure that every nerve in their being was left buzzing in the aftermath, but there was something novel about the way Steve was letting loose. She felt his sheer need to be close to her, to feel her skin against his, and that feeling went straight to her very core. It was a lie to say she never felt the need to get so lost in him that she didn't know where she began and he ended. 

“I love you,” he whispered between thrusts. A moan was the only response she was able to muster as he hit a particularly delicious spot inside her that sent her to inner muscles clenching around him. “Need you. Need you so much, Nat.” 

“I’m here, baby. Right here,” she assured him. 

Her words sent him tumbling right over the edge. He emptied himself in her, his seed warm and deep in her core. They were both gasping for air, skin slick with sweat as the room filled with the sound of their heavy breathing. 

“You didn’t come,” he realized, bracing his weight on his arms as he looked down at her. She was still panting, but she managed to shake her head. 

“It’s okay-“ she began, but she was too late. 

Steve pulled out of her, the both of them hissing at the loss of contact as he made his way down her body, kissing every inch of porcelain skin he could find along the way. His feet hit the ground once his face became level with her core and he placed his left hand under her left knee and pushed it towards her chest. He dove into her and she mumbled strings of Russian as he licked a tentative stripe up her slit. She was dripping with her arousal and his own release, but that didn't stop him from plunging his tongue into her soft folds as her fingers tangled in his hair.

“Steve!” she cried out in ecstasy. “God, _yes._ ” 

Tears threatened to sting her eyes from the pleasure. Her stomach tightened as his tongue continued to lap at her down below. He pressed his thumb to the apex of her thighs and began to rub; a few firm strokes was all it took before her back was nearly arching off the bed. Her toes curled and her blood hummed in satisfaction as she gave into her release and she succumbed to sleep.

* * *

The sun had just about set when she woke from her slumber. Her head rested on a pillow and the flat sheet was wrapped around her. She noted that her body was still deliciously sore from their previous excursions when she remembered how Steve felt earlier that day. She moved her head to the right and saw that he was already awake and looking at her. His head rested on his hand that was held upright by a propped elbow.

“Don’t leave me,” he asked softly as he tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. 

“Never,” she swore.


End file.
